Anal Savior

Anal Savior is Nova's The You Testament character. He is a prophet who lived in the Bethlehem 2000 years ago. He is confirmed to be an ancestor to the Anal line, the earliest recorded one. He is a three foot tall tan man with a hairy, ripped chest. He only wears a red loincloth and sandals. His hair is a rainbow of colors, even though he is 61 years old. This means the Anal Savior was born around 40-70 BC. His hometown is Bethlehem.

Personality and Behavior[edit | edit source]

Anal Savior is more like Accepted Anal than anyone else, very angry and compulsive, probably starting the trend. He once slew a man just to take his wine. He is also perceived as creepy or stalker-like, watching people bathe, like Denied, and just touching people.

The You Testament[edit | edit source]

During The You Testament, The Anal Savior Started at a group of bathers in the lake. This made them uncomfortable, so they immediately left. He followed a group because The Anal Savior wanted an apple from one of the men. This caused him to run away to the riverbed, where he enjoyed his well-earned apple. After eating, he waved hello to a passing stranger, and after which chased after the man to touch him. After his attention was averted, he met a prophet saying he was God. However, he questioned and quickly angered the false prophet.

When he was walking on a bridge, he asked a poor man why he was acting like a beggar when one of the people of Rome were the prophet. To this, he replied that he must look in himself for God, and saying that he was more likely to be in an empty desert than a city, hinting that The Anal Savior could be the One. Savior asked why he would be in such a deadly place where flesh rots. The beggar replied that while the flesh dies, the spirit lives on. Upon this lecture, The Anal Savior left for the desert. In it, he found that man again meditating all alone. He questioned the man about why he was so close to God. The man replied that he should never take Him for granted.

The Anal Savior left for Gadara, where he was confronted with a guard demanding that he drop his spear. When he didn't, the guard arrested him and took him to a judgement room, where either a woman named Beatrice, a sorcerer, or The Anal Savior himself would be punished. It was tense, but when the jury decided to let The Anal Savior go, he looked down at them with a warm smile. Beatrice's left hand was cut off so that her witchcraft could not be practiced. A Roman guard demanded The Anal Savior to sit on the ground for the night, where he stared at a crawling paraplegic's butt.

When daytime arrived, he sought out a Q-Tip

Anal Savior taking a seat.

held by a child. He stole it and ran. Later, a man in a purple robe held a golden goblet of wine. Deciding that he wanted it, the Anal Savior slashed him to death, and repeatedly slashed him after death, trying to dismember him like his Anal brothers did, but unfortunately it did not work. The Anal Savior remarked that getting drunk was worth killing him over. He promptly sat on the corpse as a man stared at him.

Later in the night, The Anal Savior donated a club to the prophet and was initiated into the clan. The two hugged afterwards.

Kills[edit | edit source]

  • Unknown man.
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